Bulimia has advantages
Bulimia is a serious issue which brings a lot of pain into one’s life. But besides that it suggests self-protection mechanisms which actually work. People keep suffering because at least once in their life these mechanisms helped them to go through some traumatic episodes. Even if they don’t work anymore, your mind tries to use them because if they worked before, maybe it will work this time as well?
The way out here is to suggest yourself another self-protection mechanism which is healthier and doesn’t hurt you. The first step is to realize, why do you need this protection at all? From what? Which things does bulimia help you to go through?
Most common thing is that overating helps to manage stress. When I was a uni student, every time I was coming home after classes, I was buying myself bunch of chocolate, soda and chips. At home, I would watch a movie, eat all of that till the moment my stomach ached, and forget about all the unbearable feelings I have to suffer from today: I reproached myself for being too shy to answer questions out load, called myself stupid comparing to everyone else, told myself that I can’t achieve anything, and many more. I didn’t want to face those feelings and fears, and food kept me going.
Individually, food is my protection from other people, or feelings and emotions they can make me experience. I’ve been through a chain of very unfortunate dramatic break ups which tought me that I don’t deserve anything and everyone will always leave me. But if I were fat, nobody would ever want to be with me in the first place. Unfortunately, it worked. My excess weight became a wall between me and everything romantic relationships can give — bad and good.
Furthermore, bulimia is my excuse on giving up my dreams. If I didn’t have it, I would have to face a lot of new problems which would take a lot of resources. But why would I do that, if I can live with my old problem which I know everything about.
The truth is that it holds a lot of self-violence. Nobody has done me more harm than I have — I’ve taken away all the joy from my life, constantly been ignoring my own feelings, and don’t let myself follow my dreams and needs.
Bulimia has advantages, but it’s not worth it.
